When I tell people I am a spiritual director, some form of the question, “What is that?” almost always follows. Truthfully, I find it hard to define myself. In my experience as a directee and director, it is a practice that is blurry in definition but sharp in aim.
In February, I was tucking my four-year-old daughter, Deilianna, into bed. We were conversing about love and the union of humanity after she had a negative experience with a friend at school. Peering at the ceiling, she furrowed her brow. “So I’m half spirit and half… something else?” I had not anticipated the bedtime routine would take this turn. Smiling, I returned her curiosity.
“I wonder if maybe you are spirit and something else all at once, without being half and half?” Deilianna contorted her face, lost in thought for a moment, and then relaxed into a nod.
“Oh,” she said, as if everything had become crystal clear. “Well, my spirit is fierce,” she asserted. I chuckled and nodded dramatically.
“Yes, it is! Mommy and I love that about you. We try to help you learn how to point your fierce spirit but never want to take it away. You know, you were talking about Jesus earlier, and he had a fierce spirit, too.” Deilianna nodded with a look that told me she felt what I had said about Jesus was obvious.
“And you have a calm… annoying spirit,” she continued flatly. I laughed deeply as she continued her assessment.” And… Mommy has a calm, fun… annoying spirit.” After recuperating from my laughter, I wondered,
“What is an annoying spirit like?” Deilianna hastened to reply,
“Oh! Telling me I can’t do stuff.” I smiled as I took in how well she knew herself.
“Your freedom means a lot to you.” She nodded, smiled, and blinked sleepily.
“Yeah. I can play with someone else if my friend is being mean. Songs and prayers, please. I’m tired.”
Leaving the room, I wondered to myself about my spirit. How do I give the gift of a calm spirit to those around me? What fierceness for freedom might I be able to embody for those I am connected with as well as myself? I felt acutely aware that our conversation was a prayer to be continued by the way I would answer those wonderings in the day to come.
To me, that is spiritual direction. It is to journey honestly with another person or persons through their interiorization of daily experience, discerning what is of value for living truly. It is the practice of nurturing conscious awareness that to live is prayer. It aims to free each person to live uniquely in love and union with the Great Mystery in all things.
Into the Mystery,
Ben Shoup
If you would like to learn more about Ben and his offerings please check him out here: https://ashtreecenter.com/ben-shoup/