For many years, I have had the privilege of walking alongside many individuals from various faith traditions, cultures, and age groups. These encounters have led to places of wonder and personal reflection, due to the diversity of individuals I meet with. It seems that when we encounter others with different beliefs, we feel compelled to draw them to our side and perhaps explain why their view is wrong. Even as I write sadness becomes like a weight attached to my heart.
I feel sad because we are all a part of the human race and we belong with one another. Belonging is a common human desire and once we find “our people,” there is a temptation to compare. Comparison is one of our greatest enemies. When we look at our differences from this lens the temptation to criticize increases. Judgment develops systems of harm. This hurts the judger as much and sometimes more than the recipient of their evaluation. When we look at history we know this to be true.
Systems and Governments that have ranked the value of others suffer in a variety of ways. The oppressed are abused, impoverished, humiliated, shamed, and often put to death. Extreme examples of this can be seen in Apartheid, the Holocaust, the evils of the Khmer Rouge, slavery, human trafficking, and persecution of various faith groups by other faith groups and governments. It is my suspicion that we cover our own vulnerabilities by harming others that threaten to expose us or we act out the harm that was once acted upon us.
There are books and collective response models that offer complex solutions to these issues. It would not be possible to address these responses in a blog, although I believe there are folks who have more knowledge than I and offer wonderful possibilities for peace and reconciliation. For my part, I am learning to practice ways of engaging others that differ from me.
The first thing I have learned is to exercise self-awareness through reflection and the help of others. Learning to know my body’s responses and what they mean has helped me to clue into the reactions I have towards others. Deep therapeutic work around my past and my patterns of social interaction give me an ability to know if I am responding from a centered place or from a past wounding or insecurity. It is near impossible for me to do this at the moment, when my emotions are high, which is why I practice a daily prayer of examen to take a deeper look and understand what part of me was leading at the moment at hand. Was it a core part of me that operates out of compassion, love, and curiosity, or was it a younger part that operates from a place of wounding and vulnerability?
This question draws me back to myself and allows me to attend to all my parts. When I engage other humans from a centered and loving space, I have the ability to be curious and compassionate regardless of the person I am talking to. If I am engaging from a place of wounding or vulnerability, I am more likely to hurt the human in front of me, whether intentional or not. Finding this center and living in it has become a key spiritual practice that influences my work as a therapist and spiritual director, but it also spills into my other relationships. Once I am living from a place of awareness, I am ready to meet people right where they are.
The key components of this act include being a listener, curious, compassionate, and seeing from a place of truth. People desire to be seen, heard, understood, and helped when needed. It is a part of our human condition. When we live from the core of our true self, a longing to offer this to others becomes as natural as the air we breathe. But for many of us to get there we need to be on the receiving end of that gesture.
This is a cycle of grace and love anyone can participate in. Grace because it is a gift from outside of ourselves that empowers us to heal, and to be loved. When this occurs we can offer spaces of healing and love to others. Love always desires to love. When we are loved we feel compelled to love the individual that offers love. The more love we receive the more we have to offer. (And yes I realize I just wrote the word love 8x in this paragraph)
I am hopeful for humanity when I talk with people from various backgrounds and beliefs. On the surface, some folks may seem difficult but at their center, they are unique beings full of life and the potential to make seismic shifts in the way the world turns.
The challenge we face is to do our own work and admit we always have space to grow. This can happen in a therapy office, spiritual direction, friendship, coaching, or any space we can meet with someone invested in our growth and transformation. Once the personal work begins, we get to practice offering what has been gifted to us to others. The question I leave you with is when you encounter someone different from you are you willing to grace them with a listening ear, compassion, curiosity, and eyes that look beyond the differences and see a human worth your love?