Written by Taylor Deal, LAPC
Lazy. Defiant. Impulsive. Inconsistent. These words, on the surface, all indicate lack. Dr. William Dodson’s research estimates that by age 10, an individual with ADHD has received 20,000 more negative messages than their peers. If you are now an adult with an ADHD diagnosis, you likely have felt the sting of every one of these messages and more. A constant barrage of “Try harder”, “Why aren’t you listening?”, “Why do you never call?”, leaving you with the lingering feeling of never measuring up. I want to change the narrative a little and argue that the issue, at its core, is not a lack of attention but rather an abundance, waiting to be channeled into amazing things. Even if you do not have an ADHD diagnosis, I hope this post helps you better understand and empathize with the people you know who do.
I want to look at ADHD from a different lens for a moment. The way that our brains are wired, neurodivergent or neurotypical, their main goal is to keep us safe. Over time, our brains learn environments that are safe or unsafe based on the experiences we have and will form reactions accordingly. There is a lot of debate about what causes ADHD, whether it is genetic, a trauma response, etc. But the one thing that we do know about ADHD is that it embodies low levels of dopamine (a reward and pleasure hormone in all brains). Hyperfocus is a typical safeguard that the ADHD brain puts in place. It has recognized that a lack of dopamine is unsafe, and it pulls itself into hyperfocus on a topic or task that increases dopamine. It does this because it knows that as soon as you leave that task to do something mundane, like folding clothes, your dopamine will decrease again. So rather than trying to work against you, your ADHD brain is actually trying to serve you.
Let’s zoom in a little further. It is no secret that society is structured for the neurotypical. Children are taught from a young age that to learn, you have to sit still and quiet. Adults are told that to be efficient you have to sit at a desk from 9-5 and work 8 or more hours per day or you are lazy. Because of this, the ADHD individual has to spend more time and energy creating solutions to succeed in this environment. Therefore, their creative muscle is being flexed constantly. This is where we should begin to adopt an abundance view of ADHD. When the creative muscle is flexed, the imagination runs wild, and ADHDers have the ability to jump from thought to thought. As a result, where someone without ADHD might see a simple flower on the ground, someone with ADHD may look through the flower and see the complex vein patterns running through the petals, then recognize that it kind of looks like cracked glass and then wonder how they could use cracked glass in an art piece. The beauty of an ADHD brain is that it can look at something seemingly small and irrelevant and see an entire universe inside of it.
But that can’t be the same ADHD we had as kids, right? That ADHD seemed so chaotic and not at all creative or good. Let’s go back to the statistic from the first paragraph: 20,000 more negative messages than our peers received by the age of 10. We have been made to believe that the “chaos” of ADHD is bad because it became easier for others to stifle it instead of learning how to work with it. If there is a constant narrative of “lazy, defiant, impulsive, inconsistent”, why would there be any reason to believe that there was good wrapped up in this diagnosis? After years of walking with multiple clients and friends with ADHD diagnoses, as well as having it myself, I deeply empathize with how hard it is to receive these messages and live in a world that seems to be working against you. That is why, if you have ADHD or even know someone who does, I encourage you to do a few things:
Educate yourself. It is amazing how learning more about how your brain processes information can drastically change the narrative you tell yourself.
Seek therapy. It is so important to process these emotions with someone who can empathize. Sharing with your friends is great, but if they don’t share your diagnosis, they won’t always understand. Therapy can also give you amazing tools to help shape the structure of your life to breed success.
Have empathy for yourself. Recognize the things about your diagnosis that have made you creative and resilient. The words you say to yourself matter and you already receive enough negative messages throughout the day.
Surround yourself with people who want to understand you. Understanding is the beginning of empathy. We all have a choice in who we keep in our close circle. We get to choose who’s words we let hold value so make sure you choose these people wisely.
>If you are someone with an ADHD diagnosis and are looking for a safe space to begin understanding and managing your symptoms, I would love to walk with you as you take this step.
Follow this link to learn more about how to contact me today: https://ashtreecenter.com/taylor-deal/