We have a problem. All of us get this life to live, and all of us want to feel it counts for something and is meaningful. Yet, we all struggle to find life direction that feels that way to us, much less maintain navigation toward what is valuable and meaningful. Worse still, the solution isn’t even a secret; it has been freely available for thousands of years.
The solution has many forms but boils down to a simple and deeply rewarding process:
- Pay attention to your desires without judging them.
- Dig into each desire until you reach bedrock.
- You have found the place where your deepest desires churn and offer guidance toward a valuable and meaningful life. Now, steer toward what best fulfills that value.
Let me show you what I mean.
Right now, I want to eat a donut. What do I want to eat a donut for? A donut would give me the experience of an intensely sweet sensation, which I imagine would feel emotionally satisfying. What kind of satisfaction am I hoping for? I want to feel carried along by the sweetness of life instead of pushing forward on another project I have to get to. What would it be like to be carried by the sweetness of life? I would feel more free and less controlling of my outcomes; I could play with the way things flow more. What would playing with the flow of life do for you? It would harmonize me, and I could open up to the joy in the life I’ve got. I value finding harmony in life and enjoyment. Now, I have something to orient myself with.
Is eating a donut right now going to bring me closer to harmony and enjoyment? No, I just had lunch and am full. What I really need is a good walk and to reorient my attitude toward my other project. It is not just a thing I am producing; it is an exploration of play and helping people find harmony. It actually moves me closer to my value than the donut. The process is simple.
This exercise took only a few minutes. My desire for a donut has been released, and I already feel more energy for my other project. I haven’t even taken the walk yet. If it is that easy, how come our perennial problem persists?
Life isn’t always as simple as figuring out what an internal, unnecessary hunger sensation is about. All of us must make choices between competing desires. All of us must discern between what other people want from us versus what we really want for ourselves. All of us must face desires we wish we did not have. Thankfully, each day presents us with myriad possibilities and desires to be explored. With them, we can find the direction and clarity we need to maintain a valuable and meaningful life direction. In the Bible’s Matthew 4, Jesus of Nazareth offers us a startlingly helpful example.
In this story, the Spirit of God drives Jesus into the wilderness to spend time alone. To our surprise, Jesus finds the devil himself in this alone time! The devil proceeds to tempt Jesus with the drive to survive, the drive to impress, and the drive to control in exchange for sacrificing something of value to him. Remember, you can only be tempted by something you actually want. If Jesus didn’t want what the devil was selling, it wasn’t a temptation. Jesus spends time attending these desires and decides against each one, finally sending the devil away. Then, he is attended by messengers from God. At the end of the story, we have this amazing sentence: From that time on, Jesus began to proclaim, “Turn around and reevaluate because the kingdom of heaven is in touching distance!”
Through his encounter with the devil, the tempting desires, Jesus discovered what Christ meant to him, and he came out of the wilderness with a life direction both valuable and meaningful for himself and hosts of others. All of us can learn to engage and benefit from this process.
Most people don’t get training in this process growing up, and it can feel intimidating to get started on your own. That’s where spiritual direction can help. Spiritual directors are trained to create judgment-free spaces, to listen deeply to desires, and to wonder with you how they are connected to the Divine. They offer expertise in attending desires so that they become discernment partners instead of hindrances, helping you clarify your unique way forward toward a value-rich and meaningful life. May we help each other along that road and touch the kingdom of heaven together.
Together in the Mystery,
Ben Shoup
Contact Ben today for Spiritual Direction. Click Here.
Photo by Andrew Neel: https://www.pexels.com/photo/assorted-map-pieces-2859169/